I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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