Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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