Moan for me like Helen Keller
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
