can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
