I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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