So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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