Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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