you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.