we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
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it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
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I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?