yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude, just got a bummer.
A blow job from a homeless chick.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.