got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic