he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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