I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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