That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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