Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize