I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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