dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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