Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
