I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
