I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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