Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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