i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
