i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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