just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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