Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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