its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Randomize
