do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
