I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
