Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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