I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
