I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
