I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
