You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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