Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
