Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
