Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
