kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
