Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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