i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Randomize
