so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
