I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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