D3 body, D1 cock
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
