So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I love you. Go after that dick
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
