I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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