3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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