He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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