I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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