so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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