That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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