who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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