I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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