I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
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Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
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that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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