Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
