someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
