my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
