I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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