I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
