Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
