hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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