He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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