help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
