just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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