its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Girls should come with a carfax report
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
