you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
