you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
