i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
