so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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