Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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