what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
time to smoke my breakfast
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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