He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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