See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize